You Make the Choice to Smile or Not

Not really sure what has gotten in to people, but they all seem to be so moody. Always criticizing and being mean for no freaking reason. Why? who knows all i know is that something is up, maybe its a full moon or something. I maybe bad at taking criticisms but my god doing or saying what was just said was so wrong, I don't care if it was suppose to be funny. People need to learn how to saying things properly and to get pissed off that your mad that they insulted you. Like really your mad cause i am upset cause you insulted me seems a little backwards. I don't know whats going on in this world maybe people have lot their passion or something, while i do too, i usually get it back.
Maybe it me getting older but I am caring less and less what people say and think, except for the occasional one that hits too deep. I have been very positive recently, i guess coming to the conclusion, that you make the decision to be happy or not. While others can affect you mood, in the end you decide what to be in the end and people are not going to remember that someone pissed you off. They are going to remember you and what you did.

I guess its a life lessons, been watching life to closely or something. I come up with this shit. maybe I am crazy or maybe I am just crazy enough to say what i want and  is tired of being afraid of what people will say. I guess the main thing i am trying to keep up for the pass few weeks is, that you make the choice on how you want to be seen, heard and feel. Enjoy the little things and stop once in a while and enjoy that where you are is good even if its not the best place, it is a place you have to go through to get to the places you want to go.

"Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve."-J.K. Rowling

Live while you can

I know I am young but one thing is for sure, I am believe I am a wise soul and have been through a lot, plus I think and look at things differently. And within the last few months while, I've been constantly told to get a job, now while looking for jobs and realizing that while life is about achieving things like a career which i want so badly, its also about living life and saying the money was well spent, life is not about what you have but rather looking back and saying i lived it. You can't take it with you and while it is nice to have nice things, some times the best things in life are the ones with people and enjoying concerts or event or conversation that last hours about random shit. the world a big place and we only have so much time here and we have to enjoy it.
i have this battle with myself all the time, do i want the normal lifestyle of having a house and driving to work everyday in a never ending cycle or do i want to go on a limb and try for something more, it seem like i am the risk take and will never lose my dream, i say this because it seems though most of my friend are the same way we want to run after our dream but also have a back up plan were not dumb. i got that dream keeps everyone a bit sane and without it who knows what would happen.

i kinda lost what i was going for in this post, but i guess, what i am trying to say is, something that i hear a long time ago from a shinedown album and i love music as many know and i believe their is many life lesson in music( will write another post to go into this one but anyways) Its called the Dream from the album Us & them
 "Whisper in the yard and turn the trees all into toys,
Lay there on the ground and turn the dirt into your joy,
From what I see and what I know,
It's all been boring lately so I suggest we trade a question mark in for a maybe,
time your riddles right and make a point that has no sense,
make sure that you're smiling and the money's been well spent,
Innocence and ignorance it all goes hand in hand,
I'm not sure that I'm right but I hope you'll understand,
I hope that you're still searching for the start that has no end,
and all the plastic people ave now become your friends,
Before you start to drift and your soul begins to scream,
I just wanted to tell you that you're only listening to 'A Dream' (echoes fading)"

everyone has their own meaning of what this poem means, to me it means live while you can, make sure what you spend money and time and effort on makes you happy. That things don't have to make sense, just as long as your happy nothing should matters anymore. 

Still Remain

I don't know what it is but recently I have had this dreading feeling, i guess it is coming from that i told myself after a month after school was over i had to do something with this summer. and i am scared and nervous but there is this weird part that is tired of waiting, i feel as though i just need a little push from family or friends but no one really know this, i guess because even though i am a open book certain "chapters" are still closed off. i guess the fear that i will be made fun of or that i will fail has always stopped me. I have know since i was about 7 that i want to do something creative some musical and the older i get the more i realize the less likely that is to happen. but there is this hope in me that maybe i will go against the odds and the norms and make it happen. I've always felt like i was suppose to do something great, but i guess that's just me, never really felt like anyone else felt that way about me. its really unbelievable to think that time has moved so fast, i remember just beginning to  play the guitar  its been almost 7 years ( i believe that is right idk) i loved it so much and thought that i could do anything it took me to place that i never been before, nothing matter when i was playing it but while i have been playing for a long time now, i am have the biggest stage fright in the world don't know why, i think if i got over that i would be able to succeed in music, most likely i would still fail but gotta have some sort of positive and hope towards it.

time is going so fast, things in my life are changing so quickly i feel so old, never thought these days would come. i guess i am just the tortured soul. I guess it really depends on how you want to spend your life, some want things, house, cars, jewel etc. and others want to experience things and i am sure there are others. i believe that i am the one that wants to experience life not let it pass by but i feel as though i have been letting it slip by, it makes me sick but i feel so sick, maybe i will get the guts to go out on a limb and take a chance, lets hope. my thought process just stopped so i guess that is the end for tonight.
maybe tomorrow.

Its All The Same

So, today was my last final and the summer is upon us. It’s always an good and bad thing for me, I guess because I always get nervous for a different schedule, places etc. I guess I am creature of habit but I would like to believe that I am getting better at it. I think I may have figure out at least then upcoming month. Get my shit together and do the stuff I keep putting off, like cleaning my room, and I mean clean my room, look for scholarships, internships, hang out with friends, rest, help my mom redo the dining room. And hopefully by the end of the month I will be dying to get out of my house and get a job, I usually have to be doing something, and in my house there is usually not that much to do. The only thing that scares me about getting a job besides the environment change is being away from my family, were really close even though we fight and if I would at night or the weekends I won’t see them that much, and that scares me.

But I’ve reached a point where I do truly want to getting moving on my life I know I am young but I feel like I’ve kind of been in the same place for a while. It strange I feel as though I have been through things people don’t experience till their like 30 but I haven’t experienced things that other experience at my age. Oh well, this is how I’ve always been I guess that’s from having older siblings, and being able to talk to anyone regardless of their age, sex, color etc. I’ll take that as a good thing. But any whoo things really are starting to be a ramble and I guess I should share something I started to write in the past week; It’s only part still working on the rest.

Expectations bring us every which way
step by step
word by word
Life of life
Love of Hate
Its all the same

We are one
standing strong
no matter what
well battle for our rights
never gonna take us down
never will you succeed
never will we give in
even if it takes forever

Cracks in the Lining

It seems that all life is, is trying to do the normal and conversations consist of work, and random bull shit, then you start talking about people behind their back, also know as Drama. While this happens all the time when you hear someone talking bad about you your heart sinks. I guess the feeling that they don’t care for you and a bit of truth, goes deeper than you could believe but no one knows what going on with you. The dark sides they only see you put together in the best way you can, but they criticize the cracks you have but in the end those cracks were huge holes in the lining. So maybe it’s good that they think there only seeing cracks and not holes but it still hurts and I understand I am there more than not. Even though I was never diagnosed with it I am pretty sure I have had depression for quite a long time and only a few people truly knew. And trust me you have nothing on someone who has depression. It feels like you’re in a vicious circle that can’t be stopped and you’re not going to successes and all you fears are starting to become a reality and people are criticizing you and you have what feels like a breakdown every day. And you start to believe its not worth it anymore. And then you start to confide in someone and then you hear them bitch about that person, for whatever reason.  But here is my advice for this whole boat load of bullshit. I got this from john mayer and no matter what you think of him it doesn’t matter cause it makes sense he said it about a song sounding like another song, but I think it can be applied to many things. He said as long as you can lie in your bed at night and be ok with what you’ve done. It does not matter. I have to agree as long as you can live with yourself fuck the rest they’re not living your life. They don’t know the path you walk every day they never done what you done NO matter what they say. Everyone is DIFFERENT and that’s not BAD. They just want you to think that so they can feel better about themselves. Well FUCK EM. Because this is your life you make the decisions… PERIOD.  

The beginging of the end.

So its almost two in the morning and always have the best ideas at night, hence the mystery of the night. first a quick info about me i am way to creative and have way to many outlets. and for almost a year now I've been writing a book on how to deal with life and its ups and downs. I was going to do it in a blog but figured no one would ever look at it. and I've come to realize o well who cares. if people find this blog welcome if not I'll be the voice shouting out in the mist of others. i believe i have some good incites. i guess well find out. So I've been write for what seems like forever, i write, poems, lyrics, random quotes, and recently as stated before a book. so instead of me rambling here is a section/ part of it. had to go look and decide it was a hard decision. but i think this one makes the most sense for this being the first post.

Mystery of the night

So why is this called mystery of the night, nothing really is about the night or mystery. Well first I think it sounds cool. And secondly the idea of it is interesting to me, it all started when I was listening to a song called mystery of you, and I thought later on mystery of the night would be a bad ass name for a album or a song haven’t gotten around on writing a song called that but it’s all a work in progress. And then I thought that its true. so much happens in the night that is so mysterious, for one I love being up at night and get way more done at night then the day as well as think of the greatest things in the world ( some says since you’re not thinking of anything at night your brain figures everything out that you couldn’t figure out during the day, that is why you wake up with so many Ideas or at night come up with good ideas don’t know if it’s true but it makes sense.), anyway the reason no clue, so in tale it is a mystery of the night. Don’t know why it happens it’s just a pure mystery. And there are other mysteries of the night, which make you, think. The night as a whole seems to be mysterious since most people go to sleep and I guess the wonder of what is happening when you’re sleeping creates that mystery. But that’s the reason