Still Remain

I don't know what it is but recently I have had this dreading feeling, i guess it is coming from that i told myself after a month after school was over i had to do something with this summer. and i am scared and nervous but there is this weird part that is tired of waiting, i feel as though i just need a little push from family or friends but no one really know this, i guess because even though i am a open book certain "chapters" are still closed off. i guess the fear that i will be made fun of or that i will fail has always stopped me. I have know since i was about 7 that i want to do something creative some musical and the older i get the more i realize the less likely that is to happen. but there is this hope in me that maybe i will go against the odds and the norms and make it happen. I've always felt like i was suppose to do something great, but i guess that's just me, never really felt like anyone else felt that way about me. its really unbelievable to think that time has moved so fast, i remember just beginning to  play the guitar  its been almost 7 years ( i believe that is right idk) i loved it so much and thought that i could do anything it took me to place that i never been before, nothing matter when i was playing it but while i have been playing for a long time now, i am have the biggest stage fright in the world don't know why, i think if i got over that i would be able to succeed in music, most likely i would still fail but gotta have some sort of positive and hope towards it.

time is going so fast, things in my life are changing so quickly i feel so old, never thought these days would come. i guess i am just the tortured soul. I guess it really depends on how you want to spend your life, some want things, house, cars, jewel etc. and others want to experience things and i am sure there are others. i believe that i am the one that wants to experience life not let it pass by but i feel as though i have been letting it slip by, it makes me sick but i feel so sick, maybe i will get the guts to go out on a limb and take a chance, lets hope. my thought process just stopped so i guess that is the end for tonight.
maybe tomorrow.