Live while you can

I know I am young but one thing is for sure, I am believe I am a wise soul and have been through a lot, plus I think and look at things differently. And within the last few months while, I've been constantly told to get a job, now while looking for jobs and realizing that while life is about achieving things like a career which i want so badly, its also about living life and saying the money was well spent, life is not about what you have but rather looking back and saying i lived it. You can't take it with you and while it is nice to have nice things, some times the best things in life are the ones with people and enjoying concerts or event or conversation that last hours about random shit. the world a big place and we only have so much time here and we have to enjoy it.
i have this battle with myself all the time, do i want the normal lifestyle of having a house and driving to work everyday in a never ending cycle or do i want to go on a limb and try for something more, it seem like i am the risk take and will never lose my dream, i say this because it seems though most of my friend are the same way we want to run after our dream but also have a back up plan were not dumb. i got that dream keeps everyone a bit sane and without it who knows what would happen.

i kinda lost what i was going for in this post, but i guess, what i am trying to say is, something that i hear a long time ago from a shinedown album and i love music as many know and i believe their is many life lesson in music( will write another post to go into this one but anyways) Its called the Dream from the album Us & them
 "Whisper in the yard and turn the trees all into toys,
Lay there on the ground and turn the dirt into your joy,
From what I see and what I know,
It's all been boring lately so I suggest we trade a question mark in for a maybe,
time your riddles right and make a point that has no sense,
make sure that you're smiling and the money's been well spent,
Innocence and ignorance it all goes hand in hand,
I'm not sure that I'm right but I hope you'll understand,
I hope that you're still searching for the start that has no end,
and all the plastic people ave now become your friends,
Before you start to drift and your soul begins to scream,
I just wanted to tell you that you're only listening to 'A Dream' (echoes fading)"

everyone has their own meaning of what this poem means, to me it means live while you can, make sure what you spend money and time and effort on makes you happy. That things don't have to make sense, just as long as your happy nothing should matters anymore. 

Still Remain

I don't know what it is but recently I have had this dreading feeling, i guess it is coming from that i told myself after a month after school was over i had to do something with this summer. and i am scared and nervous but there is this weird part that is tired of waiting, i feel as though i just need a little push from family or friends but no one really know this, i guess because even though i am a open book certain "chapters" are still closed off. i guess the fear that i will be made fun of or that i will fail has always stopped me. I have know since i was about 7 that i want to do something creative some musical and the older i get the more i realize the less likely that is to happen. but there is this hope in me that maybe i will go against the odds and the norms and make it happen. I've always felt like i was suppose to do something great, but i guess that's just me, never really felt like anyone else felt that way about me. its really unbelievable to think that time has moved so fast, i remember just beginning to  play the guitar  its been almost 7 years ( i believe that is right idk) i loved it so much and thought that i could do anything it took me to place that i never been before, nothing matter when i was playing it but while i have been playing for a long time now, i am have the biggest stage fright in the world don't know why, i think if i got over that i would be able to succeed in music, most likely i would still fail but gotta have some sort of positive and hope towards it.

time is going so fast, things in my life are changing so quickly i feel so old, never thought these days would come. i guess i am just the tortured soul. I guess it really depends on how you want to spend your life, some want things, house, cars, jewel etc. and others want to experience things and i am sure there are others. i believe that i am the one that wants to experience life not let it pass by but i feel as though i have been letting it slip by, it makes me sick but i feel so sick, maybe i will get the guts to go out on a limb and take a chance, lets hope. my thought process just stopped so i guess that is the end for tonight.
maybe tomorrow.